Leadership Contests and Political Parties

I am fascinated by leadership contests in political parties.

Intra-party leadership contests lay bare the facade of friendship, comradeship and unity that covers and conceals the hostility, dishonesty, naked ambition and thirst for power that pervades most, if not all, political parties.

Party leaders and stalwarts are always fearful of leadership contests as they know the vitriol, malice and even violence normally reserved for rival political parties, will turn inwards and the true nature of party politics will be revealed.

It matters not if the contest is in the Conservative Party in the United Kingdom, the Democratic Party in the USA, the People’s National Party (PNP) or the Jamaica Labour Party (JLP) here in Jamaica.

 All you need to do is observe developments and utterances in intra-party leadership contests, if you desire an insight into the true nature of party politics.

When ‘friends’ united in their quest to gain political power turn on each other, a number of truths are revealed.

You will learn, for example, that politicians do not trust each other and are not to be trusted.  It is not uncommon for one leadership aspirant to instruct his supporters to watch supporters of his opponent to prevent vote padding.

You will even hear accusations of vote-buying.

You will learn that it is not only in love and war that all is said to be fair.  Intra-party contests are no holds barred events. Nothing is off limit!

Opponents will tear each other to shreds if that is required to win. They will lie, they will leak negative stories to the media and they will launch personal attacks, if they think it will aid their cause.

Party members from opposing camps may come to blows and, in the Jamaican context, supporters of the losing candidate are likely to declare their intention to refrain from voting in the next general election or to vote for the opposing political party.

It is not far-fetched to believe that behavior and actions displayed in intra-party elections is the same or even worse in inter-party elections.

After all, party members, friends and family members are generally inclined to treat each other better than they do ‘enemies’, opponents and strangers.

When the leadership contest is settled, the warring factions will ‘unite’ to focus all their vitriol and unsavoury utterances and actions on the opposing party with greater ferocity.

Contests in and between political parties, somehow bring out the worst in party members.

This type of behaviour is not unique to politics as it is also noticed in sports, particularly football, where some supporters of rival clubs (and countries) treat each other as enemies.

I don’t know what it is, but it appears that groups of individuals joined in a common cause, tend to develop tribal characteristics and treat outsiders as enemies to be vanquished.

Intra-party contests highlight the sordid nature of party politics and politics in general, but only independent observers are paying attention.

Party members will shrug their shoulders and wonder what all the fuss is about!

As one Jamaican political party supporter observed after a particularly bruising internal leadership contest in which the challenger was beaten by supporters of the incumbent, “this is politics!”

Happy Father’s Day

Sunday, June 16 is the 2019 edition of Father’s Day.

According to a feature article at nationalgeographic.com, “Although Mother’s Day was declared a national holiday in 1914, Father’s Day wasn’t nationally recognized until 1972.”

The same article noted that Sonora Louise Dodd, “the mother of Father’s Day” had the idea for a day to celebrate fathers while listening to a Mother’s Day sermon in 1909.

“When Sonora Louise Smart Dodd was 16 years old, her father became a widower and was left to raise Dodd and her five younger brothers alone.

In 1909, Dodd was listening to a Mother’s Day sermon when she realized the need for a day to celebrate fathers, especially her own.”

Father’s Day does not enjoy the prominence and significance of Mother’s Day and this is not a 21st Century phenomenon.

It took a 62-year campaign to get Father’s Day signed into law as a federal holiday in the United States of America.

Apart from Sonora Dodd, “trade groups that would benefit most from the holiday, for example the manufacturers of ties, tobacco pipes, and any traditional present to fathers” were the most enthusiastic supporters in the campaign for national recognition of fathers.

The role of a father in the nurturing and development of children and families is no less important than that of a mother.

Children learn different things from father and mother.  No mother can teach or model for a child the lessons, behaviours, traits, etc. that God, in His wisdom, determined should be imparted by the father.

A number of studies by professionals in the fields of child development, education, human behaviour and criminology have consistently shown that children do best when raised in an environment where the father plays an integral role.

A single mother can do a great job raising her child or children but she is no replacement for the father.

Many fathers are exemplary in living up to the role and responsibilities of fatherhood. They are both physical and spiritual heads of families, leaders, nurturers, providers of financial, emotional and psychological support.

Sadly, however, the reality is too many fathers are only fathers in the biological sense of the word.

Fortunately, a number of faith-based and civil society groups dedicated to mentoring and improving the quality of fathers have begun to have a positive impact.

On Father’s Day, let us make an extra effort to honour, celebrate and encourage our men who have embraced the responsibility and importance of fatherhood.

Let’s educate, counsel, challenge and encourage more man to embrace the comprehensive role of a father.

A Happy Father’s Day to all fathers!! Let us all commit to becoming better fathers.

Reflections On My Daughter’s 12th Birthday

Today, June 8, 2019, is my daughter, Haley’s 12th birthday!

My how time flies!

I vividly recall being in the operating theatre on June 8, 2007, at approximated 11.35 PM, when Haley was delivered into this world by Dr. Vernon DaCosta and a team of physicians at Andrews Memorial Hospital.

I was not overjoyed! I was scared!  I was now responsible for a life apart from my own and that was a sobering reality.

I did not know what to do at the moment of birth. I had to be prompted to follow the paediatrician to ensure the baby received the correct name tag and, I suppose, ensure she was not accidentally switched at birth.

Looking back at that night, it was a good thing the baby was a girl as we had not given any thought to names for a boy! 

I had prayed and asked the Lord for a daughter and in exercising my faith, had only considered names for a girl!

I have watched Haley as she has grown over the years.

I watched her as she moved from her parents having to do everything for her to the stage where she can do many things for herself.

She no longer needs me to read her a bedtime story, feed her dinner, tie her shoelaces or give her a bath. 

I delight in seeing her do these things on her own but sometimes, I miss the days of her calling ‘daddy’ and ‘mommy’ to do everything for her.

Haley is a well-adjusted child who does well in school. She is an usher at church and is well known at school for being the youngest and one of the top students in her class.  She was 11 years old in a class with students aged 12 and 13 years old!

I shall not say Haley is the best 12-year-old in the world as I am not given to superlatives and clichés! Additionally, I am not given to making declarations factually impossible to prove.

What I will say is she is encouraged to be the best version of herself she can be.

She has been taught she will not be the best at everything she does as we all have strengths and weaknesses. All she is required to do is give her best effort and her parents will be proud of her, regardless of the outcome.

Haley is growing up in a world with many challenges and I fear for her.

I teach her to pray and acknowledge that she can do nothing without God’s help.  Each day I pray that God will protect her and cover her with the blood of Jesus Christ.

I pray the Lord will place His mark on her and surround her with His unseen angels to protect her from the evils of this world.

The challenge to keep Haley grounded in traditional values will increase as she gets older and face increased pressure from media, friends and other sources.   We hope her foundation well be strong enough to withstand the hurricane strength winds the forces of evil will send her way.

I am confident continued reinforcement of her foundation and the presence of God will see her safely navigating the stormy seas of life.

I am placing my confidence in Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it”.

Happy birthday Haley! Daddy loves you!

Capital Punishment Affirms the Sanctity of Life

A Bible teacher on Back to the Bible Radio, asserts that capital punishment (the death penalty) affirms the sanctity of life and the State devalues the lives of members of the community when it fails to carry out the penalty for murder sanctioned by God.

To justify the assertion “Capital punishment affirms the sanctity of life”, the Bible teacher cites Genesis 9:5-6

5 And for your lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each human being, too, I will demand an accounting for the life of another human being.

6 “Whoever sheds human blood,
    by humans shall their blood be shed;
for in the image of God
    has God made mankind.

The Bible teacher argues that God is the giver of life and only He has the right to take a person’s life. Consequently, when a man or woman takes a life, they are taking on the role of God and their life must be taken to preserve the sanctity of life. 

He hastens to point out capital punishment is to be carried out by the authorities, i.e. the government.

Life is a gift from God which must be valued and to maintain the value of life, the life of the killer must be taken. To do otherwise is to devalue life.

The teacher continues, ‘Every time a life is taken and the life of the killer is not taken in return, the value of life goes down a notch’.

The teacher anticipates that some will point to the commandment, ‘thou shall not kill’ and quickly points out that the Hebrew word translated kill really means murder, hence the command is thou shall not murder.

Anticipating that an argument could be made that Genesis 9:5-6 is in the Old Testament and does not apply in the time of Grace, the teacher points us to Romans 13:1-5   where the authority of the government, including carrying out capital punishment (the sword) is affirmed.

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.

The teacher argues the greatest risk to life is not the government carrying out capital punishment, but a person believing he is God and he can determine who lives and who dies.

He further argues that what is seen as compassion for the murderer is really a lack of compassion for society, as each time a murder is committed the value of life goes down and the community is placed at greater risk!

I have always been conflicted over capital punishment. On one hand, I want to practise forgiveness and not support the killing of a murderer but on the other hand, something tells me it is justice for a murderer to forfeit his life as payment for the life he took.

I also have a difficulty with campaigners against capital punishment. It appears to me that their insistence on sparing the life of the murderer is to imply the murderer’s life is of greater value than that of his victim.

This Bible teacher’s explanation of the sanctity of life and God’s instructions for preserving the sanctity of life resonates with me.

I am particularly moved by the argument that each time a murder is committed and the killer’s life is spared the value of life goes down and the community is placed at greater risk!

This appears to accurately describe what is happening in the world today where people’s lives can be snuffed out at the drop of a hat.

Is this another example of what happens when man thinks he knows better than God and substitutes his wisdom for God’s?

I would very much like to hear a counter-argument to this Bible teacher’s teachings on capital punishment but until then, he may have found a new convert in me.

Jamaicans and Corruption

Opinion polls gauging Jamaicans’ perception of corruption, consistently show that a significant number of Jamaicans think public officials and institutions are deeply corrupt!

Seen through the eyes of the public, the most corrupt are politicians, police officers and members of the civil service.

Sadly, polls have shown that even some members of the judiciary are perceived to be corrupt.

But what exactly do we mean when we say a person is corrupt?

For the purpose of this post, corrupt, when used as an adjective, is defined as “having or showing a willingness to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain”.

With that definition in mind, the polls indicate many Jamaicans are convinced that many public officials abuse their position for money and personal gain!

This belief is fueled as much by reports in the media of what appears to be corrupt acts by officials as by our cultural tendency to be a less than principled people.

We may not like to admit it but we really are not a principled people!

Our tendency to be less than principled is demonstrated in how some, if not most of us, are inclined to take positions, not on the facts before us but on the personalities involved or if we can or have benefited from a situation.

With this tendency, it is easy to see why we believe corruption is rampant, as we find comfort in believing we are not alone in practicing what is essentially situational ethics.

Personally, I have not experienced a corrupt police officer but, I have heard stories of motorists paying brides to police officers to escape the consequence of, say, driving above the speed limit.

Not surprisingly, when the story is recounted, the only corrupt party mentioned is the police officer!  The corrupt motorist is either unaware or unwilling to acknowledge his/her role in the act of corruption.

It is also not unusual for us to demonise others for what we consider to be corrupt behavior, while going to great lengths in our attempts to demonstrate how our behavior is different although the facts are the same.

It is no different in the political realm. Rather than tackle the cultural propensity to be corrupt, politicians from both major political parties, delight in regaling the nation with accounts of which party is less corrupt.

Yes, which party is less corrupt!  Honesty does not enter the debate as there is no degree of honesty. You are either honest or dishonest!

What does it mean to be principled?  One person says:

“To be principled is to have integrity in the face of adversity”.

“It means to stick with the rules you preach for others, and certainly those you claim to live by yourself, even when it’s costly, even when the stakes are high, and even when popular judgement may criticize you and even more harshly, make you a social outcast”.

I agree!!

We will never be rid of the monster of corruption until we admit and confront our culturally tendency to be unprincipled and take deliberate measurable actions to bring about culture change.

I have no doubt some politicians, civil servants, police officers and even members of the judiciary are or maybe corrupt.

What I do have doubts about, is our awareness that it is very unlikely that an unprincipled and undisciplined people will produce politicians, civil servants, police officers and a judiciary markedly different from the people from whom they are drawn.

Ultimately, the solution to our problem with corruption lies with us, the citizens of Jamaica.

Happy Mother’s Day

Sunday, May 12, 2019 is Mother’s Day.

The idea of setting aside a day to honour mothers, is said to have originated with one Anna M. Jarvis who organized the first official Mother’s Day celebration in May 1908 at a Methodist church in Grafton, West Virginia.

Mother’s Day has been celebrated on the 2nd Sunday of May each year since May 8, 1914, when President Woodrow Wilson of the United States of America, signed a proclamation designating the second Sunday in May Mother’s Day.

 Within a few years, the idea gained worldwide prominence.

It is indisputable that mothers play the greatest role in nurturing and instilling strong moral values in children which, more often than not, follow them into adulthood.

Children taught good values by their mothers, ultimately become well adjusted adults and model citizens of countries and the world.

The importance of motherhood must never be underestimated.

Unfortunately, it is believed in some quarters, that for women to advance and achieve their full potential, they must avoid becoming mothers.

Being a mother is by no means a menial role and diminishing the important role mothers play in the development of well-rounded children, adults and citizens is unnecessary, as women in all countries, play multiple roles which are all of equal importance.

The role of a female chief executive officer of a Fortune 500 corporation is of no greater importance than that of a mother who chooses to stay at home to raise her children.

The role of a mother is not one to be treated with disdain.

Unfortunately, not all mothers are cognizant of the importance of their role. Fortunately, these mothers maybe in the minority.

Some mothers need help to become better mothers. Fathers also need help but today the focus is on mothers.  To provide this assistance, I suggest parenting be added to at least the high school curriculum.

Parenting lessons could also be taught at churches, clubs and anywhere else people meet in groups.

The role of a mother is too important to be left to chance. Having said that, let me return to celebrating mothers and their importance.

The hand that rocks the cradle still rules the world!

Good mothers lead to good children, good teenagers, good citizens and ultimately to better nations.

A happy Mother’s Day to all Mothers!

Hero Cop, Rogue Cops and States of Emergency

This week there was no shortage of drama and intrigue in Jamaica.

The week commenced with a report of a high-speed car chase and shoot-out involving three ‘rogue’ police officers who are alleged to have shot and killed a man and an off-duty ‘hero’ police officer who confronted them.

At the end of the chase and shoot-out, one ‘rogue’ police officer and a civilian were dead, a 2nd ‘rogue’ officer was in police custody and the 3rd ‘rogue’ officer was in hiding after mysteriously escaping police custody.

By the end of the week, the ‘rogue’ police officer in hiding gave an interview to a reporter, giving a totally different version of the killings, car chase and shoot-out.

In his version of events, the ‘hero’ off-duty police officer is the ‘rogue’ and the so-called rogue officers are the heroes!

To add to the drama, the previously alleged ‘rogue’ now self-described ‘hero’ police officer, expressed fear for his life and a lack of confidence in the police to conduct a fair investigation to establish the facts and his heroism.

He is even afraid to contact his lawyer!

This drama has more twists and turns then the Israelites’ journey through the wilderness on their way to the promised land!

I am not inclined to argue with the officer in hiding (I am taking the safe route as I am unsure if he is ‘rogue’ or ‘hero’) about the trustworthiness of the police as he is better placed, as a member of an elite police squad, than I will ever be, to speak on such matters.

As if the above was not enough, in the aftermath of the incident, the minister of national security (I almost wrote insecurity) announced plans to disband the elite police unit of which the alleged ‘rogue’ cops are members.

On a serious note, the reputation of the police force is taking a serious beating. These days you have to think twice when a cop signals you to stop as you cannot be sure if you are dealing with a ‘rogue’ or ‘hero’!

Additionally, when you go to report a crime, there is a real danger of reporting the crime to the criminal!

I guess we will just have to wait on the completion of at least three (3) parallel investigations to unearthed the facts and establish who is guilty or innocent, ‘rogue’ or ‘hero’ in the current drama.

Let me end with a word of advice to the cop in hiding. If he wishes to turn himself in, he should consider utilising the services of a certain reverend gentleman who is famous for his attempt to transport a certain Christopher ‘Dudus’ Coke to the American embassy in Jamaica. The wearing of a wig is optional!

Still on the crime front, states of emergency were declared in three (3) of our four (4) westernmost parishes.

The extreme security measures were taken in response to mounting criminality, especially spikes in murders.

I have no problem with the declaration of states of emergency as our constitution makes provisions for the government to give the security forces special powers, including limiting citizens’ freedoms, in order to control an unusually difficult or dangerous situation.

No reasonable Jamaican can argue crime in western Jamaica fails to satisfy the conditions for a state of emergency.  Indeed, some would argue a state of emergency should be declared for the entire island!

I hope the government and the security forces have learnt the lessons from previous states of emergency.

The main complaints from previous states of emergency are random detentions of innocent young men, detainees held in less than humane conditions, inadequate meals, tardiness in processing detainees and businesses losing revenue as a consequent of earlier closing hours.

It is important for the security forces to refrain from mass arbitrary detentions as this could alienate young men and their families from especially the police. 

The human rights of detainees must be scrupulously observed to maintain support from human rights groups.

I am hoping that this time the security forces have information and evidence on the criminal masterminds and we will see some high-profile arrests and prosecutions.

The authorities must also seek to address social and economic issues and conditions that make crime an attractive alternative to some young people.

States of emergency are not meant to last forever, so having a 70% reduction in murders during the period of emergency only to see murder figures skyrocket when the period ends is not good enough.

There must be sustained reduction in murders and crime generally, over the short, medium and long term for limitations on citizens’ freedoms to be worth the sacrifices.

Maybe this time lawmakers will put citizens’ interests above short-term political gains and work together to keep states of emergency in place for as long as necessary to achieve sustained benefits.

One thing to bear in mind about states of emergency is the more successful they are the less the need for them.

Easter Sunday Bombings In Sri Lanka

More than 250 dead, more than 500 injured.

 Those are the most recent death toll and injuries from suicide bombings targeting churches and luxury hotels in Sri Lanka, on Easter Sunday, April 22, 2019.

In the days following the bombings, the Sri Lankan government blamed the attacks on a home-grown Islamist group, however, the Islamic State (IS), has subsequent claimed that its militants executed the attacks.

There was even a suggestion that the attacks were retaliation for attacks against Muslims in Christchurch, New Zealand on March 15, 2019.

The true motive for the Easter Sunday bombings may never be known, but what is without doubt, is innocent men, women and children continue to be the main casualties of terrorists’ attacks around the world.

Justification for terror attacks are many. Some are fighting for political reasons, some for ideologies, some to rid their lands of foreign invaders and some for ethnic and religious reasons.

I don’t know much, if anything, about Islam but from reports in mainstream media, it appears most terror attacks are carried out by worshippers of Allah.

There is something scary about committing atrocities in the name of one’s god.

There is no limit to the atrocities people will commit if they are convinced their actions are sanctioned by their god or advancing their religion.

The atrocities are intensified when male martyrs are promised a reward of 72 virgins upon their triumphant arrival in paradise.

This is not an attack on Islam as Christianity also has a dark history of believers killing their enemies and converting some to Christianity at the tip of a sword.

Followers of Islam, insist it is a peaceful religion and atrocities carried out be IS, al-Qaeda, Boko Haram and other Islamist groups are the actions of extremists. However, it seems to me that something is amiss with a religion where even an extreme interpretation allows for the killing of innocent people.

By contrast, not even the most extreme interpretation of the Gospel of Jesus, the Christ, can possibly lead Christians to the indiscriminate killing of those worshipping a different deity.

To be fair, the indiscriminate killing of men, women and children is not limited to religious zealots.

Countries  claiming ‘God-given’ rights to control and dominate less powerful countries are known to use military and economic warfare to achieve their objectives and innocent victims are classified as ‘collateral damage’.  The developments in Venezuela are just the latest iteration of this atrocity.

There is no end in sight where the killing of the innocent is concerned.   Innocent men, women and children will continue to die as men seek to remedy and redress perceived wrongs and injustices.

Religious conflicts will continue unabated and men will continue to kill in the name of their god.

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

 Songwriter: John Winston Lennon

The Importance of Jesus’ Crucifixion

Today, Friday, April 19 is Good Friday.

 On this day, Christians all over the world, commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus, the Christ.

Good Friday is the most important day on the Christian calendar.

In Christian theology, the day marks the culmination of God’s plan, from before the beginning of time, for His Son to make atonement for mankind’s sins and provide the way for man to be reconciled to his Maker.

Christianity teaches that Adam and Eve’s disobedience in the Garden of Eden, resulted in the separation of man from God and all subsequent human beings inheriting Adam’s sin nature.

Man’s disobedience did not catch God off guard as being omniscient, He knew man would have disobeyed Him and had His plan for how man would face the consequences of sin and how, He, God would display His love, mercy and grace to man.

The penalty for man’s disobedience is death and God, being righteous and just, could not allow man’s transgressions to go unpunished. Additionally, to make atonement for man’s sin required the death of someone who had never sinned, that is, a ‘spotless lamb’.

God is also loving and merciful and desired for man to get back into right relationship with his Maker.

To demonstrate His love, righteousness and mercy, God sent His son, Jesus, who was born of a virgin so as not to inherit the sin nature, to live a perfect (spotless) life on earth.

 At the appointed time, Jesus died on the cross in man’s place to satisfy God’s righteous wrath and, at the same time demonstrate God’s love and mercy.

Christianity also teaches that when we, by faith, accept that Jesus died in our stead as payment for our sins and make a commitment to follow Him and His teachings, Jesus’ righteousness is credited to us and we appear before God as if we had never sinned.

God’s love is captured in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Christianity teaches that Jesus Christ rose from the grave on the third day demonstrating his sovereignty over death and giving His followers confidence not to fear death but to see death as a passageway to spending eternity with Him when they die.

Jamaica’s Domestic Violence Crisis

 For some time now, Jamaica has been facing a domestic violence crisis.

Domestic violence is partly defined on the website Reachout.com as “violent, abusive or intimidating behaviour in a relationship”.

A frighteningly common feature of this domestic violence problem, is the husband or male, killing his wife or female partner, before killing himself.

In many cases, family members, friends, acquaintances and neighbours, recount a history of abuse (physical and otherwise) committed by the man against the woman.

This history of abuse oftentimes stems from the husband’s, boyfriend’s or baby-father’s insistence on having extra-marital or extra-relationship affairs while forbidding his wife, girlfriend or baby-mother from even looking at another man.

I don’t know what is it that makes some men think that ‘cheating’ in relationships is expected of men but a death sentence for women.

Another common feature of domestic violence culminating in the death of both parties, is the female leaving or attempting to leave the relationship after suffering years of abuse.

In this case, either out of a need to continue exercising control over the woman, or to salve his bruised ego, the man kills his estranged wife or common-law partner before committing suicide.

This gives a new understanding to that part of the marriage vows ‘till death do us part’.

In many of these murder-suicide cases, children are left orphans with many psychological challenges to confront.

Why is it that some men think women are their property to be subjected to their control and direction?  Why is it that some men find it so easy to abuse their female partners and expect no repercussions?

What is it that makes some men think they have greater ‘rights’ than women in romantic relationships?

I do not have the answers to these questions so I leave them to those who are experts in the subject area.

I do, however, think the time has come for a comprehensive review of male and female relationships. We need a national discussion on the differences between ‘loving’ someone and having an obsession to control the person.

We need a study of why men are so inclined to kill intimate partners they profess to ‘love’.

We also need to have a national discussion about the benefits of non-violent conflict resolution and true masculinity.

For example, many men (and women) need to learn that walking away from a potentially explosive situation, is a display of strength and not weakness.

Additionally, we all need to learn that seeking professional help to resolve conflicts is not a sign of weakness, but rather a very strong and intelligent approach to dispute resolution.

There is no shame in seeking to improve and better understand why we do the things we do!

Indeed, counselling sessions conducted by a trained professional, can assist us in understanding how childhood and adolescent experiences may sub-consciously be propelling us to react negatively in certain situations.

Once the underlying issues are diagnosed, the counsellor can proceed to design or recommend a course of treatment or corrective measures to counter, minimise and even prevent negative reactions.

A word of caution to couples agreeing to attend counselling sessions.  The efficacy of counselling, will be dependent on your attitude.

Counselling will not be effective if it is approached with a mindset that it is not going to work. It has to be approached with a desire for positive intervention.

This requires active listening, honesty, objectivity, taking responsibility for one’s shortcomings, selflessness, a willingness to work hard to change bad habits and a resolve to do everything humanly possible to rescue the relationship.

Resist the temptation of just showing up at the sessions just to prevent it being said you did not attend!

Bear in mind also that some matches are just not made in heaven.

I have been married and divorced. “if I knew then what I know now, I’d have found a way to make things work out somehow.”

I think I may know a little about investing emotions, time, oneself and resources into a failed or failing relationship (investment?) but, for heaven’s sake, do not listen to the Devil’s advice to kill.

The inevitable hurt, shame and even, humiliation will fade. Endeavour to learn from the experience. Be honest with yourself. Admit your failings and seek spiritual and relationship counselling if necessary.

Killing is not the answer! You will not escape the consequences of your actions. At best, you will only postpone the day of reckoning!